Head Cannon #3: Sevens and Zeroes
Posted on Wednesday, January 18 @ 14:00:00 PST by Matt_Utley
Two of my favorite things to do in video games are beating up Japanese gangsters and solving obtuse puzzles in large houses. So, imagine my excitement as these two very specific things will be arriving on my doorstep next week in the form of Resident Evil 7 and Yakuza 0. What did I do to deserve such favor from the video game gods? Is it fate? Destiny? Or is it...conspiracy?
I would like to think that I am a rational person. I am not one to scour the likes of YouTube for video proof of lizard people or worse, cat people. I only add “gate” to the end of words when they are a physical structure preventing entry. If I ever wore a tinfoil hat, it was because my third grade teacher encouraged creative expression on a limited teacher’s budget. That all being said, something does not sit right with the upcoming release of these two wonderfully different games. Or are they?
Resident Evil 7. Yakuza 0. Something strange about a sequel and a prequel releasing on the same day. So I dug a little deeper. There was another game with “zero” in the title years ago. It was...Resident Evil. Whoa. The Yakuza series is known for its sometimes convoluted story wrapped around outdated gaming mechanics. Resident Evil is also known for its convoluted story and outdated mechanics. I’m starting to get a tingling sensation in the back of my neck. Do both games have necks?
What about the zombies? Resident Evil has always been known for its zombies. Yakuza has never had zombies in it. Thank Mario’s stars, there’s no conspiracy here!
Wait. What. What is Yakuza: Dead Souls? A Yakuza game with zombies? Oh dear. The rabbit hole goes much deeper than I thought.
What are they are trying to say? Is there a planned Yakuza/Resident Evil crossover? Is that even legal?
Maybe Chris Redfield goes undercover as a Japanese gangster, a Yakuza, to investigate the Umbrella Corporation’s involvement in hostess bars. To help him, he is partnered up with former Yakuza member Kazuma Kiryu and together they take on bowling alleys and arcades and infected Japanese gangsters. The game goes on to receive mostly favorable reviews, although the game’s wonky combat gets in the way of the story.
Kazuma Kiryu is trying to leave the world of the Yakuza behind, so he escapes to Raccoon City. While the city has since recovered from the outbreak that occurred years ago, Kazuma discovers a much darker secret lying beneath the city’s surface. An underground zombie fight club, run by none other than...the Yakuza. While the premise was intriguing and there was positive reports coming out of E3, the game ultimately disappointed critics with its strong push for needless microtransactions and a broken multiplayer component.
The latest Yakuza game takes place in first person. You can see Kazuma’s reflection in the mirror!
Jill Valentine discovers the only cure for the T-virus is to participate in a karaoke tournament and win the antidote.
A tower defense game that has the player defending Sunshine Orphanage from an encroaching zombie horde It’s like Plants Vs. Zombies, but with orphans!
This is getting out of hand. This is crazy talk. I mean, these are two wholly different franchises from two entirely different companies: Capcom and SEGA. Capcom, which came from combining the words “capsule” and “computers.” SEGA, which is a combination of “service” and “games.”
Two companies built on combining things. Two companies ripe with crossover potential. This is no coincidence, dear readers. This is no simple choice between which game to pick up at your local games store next week. This is a message. This is an ARG wrapped in a press release wrapped in an enigmatic E3 trailer. This is the kind of news chat rooms and forums are built for!
Walk into your local Best Buy next week and demand the truth. Tell them you solved the real puzzle in the Resident Evil 7 demo. The one where the finger points at a stain in the wall that vaguely looks like a dragon, but only if the brightness is set to 76 and only if you happen to have a Samsung television. Tell them that you are buying every last copy of the latest Yakuza game not because it is an under-appreciated and overlooked franchise but because only by walking out with all seven copies do you unlock the “Umbrella Logo” back tattoo for your second playthrough.
Connect the dots. Dot the i’s and cross the T’s. T-Virus.
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